Five thoughts on 37-34:

1. The Dallas Cowboys secondary is so terrible that I’d rather not make the playoffs in order to avoid another nationally televised molestation.
2. Making the playoffs is pointless since nobody is going to stop Aaron Rodgers and his discount double check.
3. Thomas Richard Coughlin is an old, whiny bitch.
4. Tim Tebow might actually be the missing piece for this defense.  Clearly Jesus is not on our side.
5. Fuck Brandon Jacobs and his inability to play well against any other team except the Cowboys.

I’m off to find a puppy to kick.

“‘In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

RIP 2010 Dallas Cowboys

Jerry is definitely going to catch some hell for a video of him that has recently surfaced on Deadspin.  The press is tagging Jerry as being blatantly disrespectful towards Tuna and that guy from that Super Bowl commercial.  The unofficial transcript is as follows:

Jerry Jones: Romo was a miracle.

Other guy: It was a miracle, wasn’t it?

JJ: He almost never got in, and he almost was gone. Tebow would never…

Different other guy: What if you were the Jaguars or — would you just, just draft him and sell fucking jerseys?

JJ: That’s the only reason I brought in Bill Parcells.

[Laughter]

JJ: [Inaudible. Sounds a little like, "Sell mammoth fuckin' rake," whatever that means.]

JJ: Bill’s not worth a shit. I love him.

Different other guy: I know you do.

JJ: Not worth a shit, but I wanted — they were on my ass so bad. J’s gotta have a yes man. So to get this fuckin’ stadium, I need to bring his ass in.

Different other guy: What, you, you wouldn’t take Tebow in the third round?

JJ: Why? He’d never get on the field. I can’t get him out there.

[Laughter]

JJ: I can’t get him out there.

Sometimes I miss Texas because every old, drunk guy at a bar sounds exactly like Jerry does in this video.  Personally, I think this situation only emphasizes how bad ass this guy is.  He’s an amazing business man with billions of dollars and the greatest team in sports.  He’s entitled to a drunk opinion.

My brother’s comment takes the cake for “beautiful first thoughts of the drunk Jerry video”.

Ryan: “That shit is hilarious! I love that he still gets blacked-out drunk at age 100″.  (Agreed!)

Love ya Jerry,

Kyle

Thanks to Toph Miller for having the inspiration to create this moment.

First of all, the 2009 Dallas Cowboys are simply better than the Philadelphia Eagles.  Philly fans love to make excuses when their teams loses.  Please do us all a favor this time around and admit that your team is just not as good as the ’09 Cowboys.  I know you guys only live for beating Dallas, but you’ll have to wait another year.

DeSean “lil buddy” Jackson, Jesus loves you.  Keep your head up and your mouth shut.  I know you’ll burn the Cowboys before your career is over…just not this year! Speech classes this Summer?

I was in junior high the last time the Cowboys won a playoff game.  That means that my prime development years were stunted by overwhelming despair and hatred due to utter failure.  Am I am happy about this win?  Oh my sweet baby Jesus yes!  Am I satisfied with ONLY this win?  Absolutely not!

This season would have ended last week if not for the defense.  Wade Phillips may be a defensive genius.  I challenge anyone to find a defensive unit that is playing better.  Let me also add this: Nnamdi Asomugha, Darrelle Revis, Mike “Jaynkins”.  Oh yeah…DeMarcus “Sex” Ware is not human.

Tony Romo finally looks like a quarterback that knows he will win versus thinking that he might have a chance.  I’m not sure if you, Candice Crawford, deserve any credit; but thank you nevertheless.  Your man is on fire at the perfect time. (Don’t hurt him).

I love you Felix Jones, Miles Austin, and Mat McBriar!

(Apparently, It’s Good to be a Cowboy via Blue Star)

According to various polls and studies, the Cowboys are at once the most despised, most popular, most profitable franchise in the NFL. They are easily the most visible, which might explain, in part, why they are so thoroughly hated and loved, depending on who you ask. 

But apparently, for the average NFL player, it’s good to be a Cowboy.

 In a poll conducted by Sports Illustrated (Per the Dallas Morning News), the Cowboys were named as the team players would most like to play for, with 11.1 percent of 296 players participating. The San Diego Chargers came in second with 8.5 percent, followed by Pittsburgh, with 7 percent.

 With the question, “which team would you most like to play for?” locale seemed to influence decisions as much as winning, with the aforementioned San Diego beating out the reigning Super Bowl champion Steelers for second, and Miami (6.6 percent) beating out perennial contender New England Patriots (5.9 percent) for third. It’s better to be middling in comfort than winning in the frigid cold of the North, I suppose.

As far as Dallas is concerned, this poll could point to any number of factors: a winning tradition perhaps, history galore or Jerry Jones’ long standing policy of taking care of his players. Maybe it’s a combination of the three; but it is somewhat remarkable that Dallas sits atop the NFLer’s wish-list after 12 plus seasons without a playoff victory.

Miles had 1 monster game that wouldn’t have even been that amazing if he would have made some crucial catches earlier in the game.  All those “told ya so” fans out there are full of crap!  Austin had 5 catches, 81 yards, and 1 touchdown in the 4 games prior to the win in Kansas City. What exactly could any logical person have said about him prior to Sunday? 

Let’s give him a few more games with his expanded role before we determine that he needs a 6 year extension and a new line of shoes.

I’m pretty sure that there are more people in this country that hate the Dallas Cowboys versus those who love them. In fact, I’m often convinced that many people choose to hate the Cowboys on sheer principle. I suppose it what it is. Most dynasties are typically the target of enmity. People just love to hate. Although Dallas certainly has its share of enemies, the most recent Harris Poll has found that the Dallas Cowboys are indeed America’s favorite football team.  I should point out, however, that 1 in 5 of those surveyed chose the Pittsburgh Steelers to win it all.

Whatever.