Kyrandallo

Today is not just Constitution Day in Azerbaijan.  It will not merely be remembered as the day that Voyager I flew by Saturn.  Hopefully it will not only be remembered as the day Charles Manson was born!  It’s a monumental day for so many reasons.  Follow me down this brief November 12th timeline:

0607: Boniface III ends his reign as Catholic Pope (Thank God!)

1859: Jules Leotard performs 1st Flying Trapeze circus act (Paris) He also designed garment that bears his name

1897: Karl Marx was born

1927: Josef Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union as Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party.

1936: Oakland Bay Bridge opens

1954: Ellis Island closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since opening in New York Harbor in 1892

1955: Date Martin Seamus McFly returned to in “Back to the Future” and “Back to the Future II”

1983: A beautiful, wide-eyed baby boy (destined for greatness) was born to Tina L. Gonzales and Kyle B. Owens

1997: Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.

2004: Resignation of Colin Powell as Secretary of State

2006: Gerald R. Ford surpassed Ronald Reagan as the longest-lived U.S. president at 93 years and 121 days (And then promptly died the following month.)

2008: Same-sex marriages began in Connecticut, a month after the state Supreme Court ruled that gays had the right to wed.

Happy Birthday: Maximilian von Weichs (1881), Karl Marx (1897), Charles Manson (1934), Al Michaels (1944), Sammy Sosa (1968), Tonya Harding (1970), Anne Hathaway (1982), Omarion (1984)

UFO enthusiasts have been buzzing lately over the rare formation of clouds in Moscow.  I spent about 10 minutes reading the wild and crazy theories that have emerged, and I must say that some people are out of their minds.  Nevertheless, the formation is pretty amazing.  Russian meteorologists have attempted to dispel the rumors of an alien invasion by saying that it was merely a natural phenomenon. 

Personally, I blame Roland Emmerich and Sony’s 2012 marketing team.  What better way to advertise the movie than to manipulate the atmosphere in such a way that an apocalyptic hole in the sky can form over a foreign country?  Americans were only able to see the “cloud” via 3rd party footage.  No one across the globe can verify whether this was an act of God or the beginning of the end.  Now we’ll have to see the movie to find out.

Well done you Sony.  Well done.

All people have an egocentric trait within their character makeup.  It is simply impossible to be completely selfless.  Unfortunately, some of these individuals are incapable of regulating their self-centered side.  This post could go on forever about the various instances of egocentrism (airport Darwinism, salad bar space cadets, etc.), but that’s not my intention.  Why are some people such freaking idiots about certain types of cell phone etiquette?

Because I currently live in San Francisco, I often find myself on BART, MUNI, or some other form of public transportation.  I have already come to terms with the fact that sharing public transportation will never be pleasant.  I just don’t get the people who get on a bus, plane, or train and determine that we need to hear what they have to say.  And not only do we need to hear it, but we need it to be loud and clear. 

On a daily basis, I can pretty much rely on that guy who is shattering the acceptable decibel level to report how shit-canned he got the night before.  I also can rest assured that little miss “I can’t believe she said that he said that I said what we all thought we should have said” will honor my fellow passengers with a string of high-pitched cacophony.  I truly believe that many of these people are unaware of how annoying they really are.  My dad has been a loud person in general for as long as I can remember (which is probably why I am so sensitive to it).  I’d be willing to bet that he has no clue.  I just think people need to have some personal rules when using their phone in public.  Here are a few suggestions:

• Don’t use your phone on any form of public transportation unless it is necessary.
• If you must use your phone among your fellow passengers, don’t try to project the conversation through a brick wall.  Volume!!
• That above-mentioned rule also applies in public places where it’s relatively quiet (i.e. movie, store).
• For the love of baby Jesus, don’t use the speaker phone!! That also goes for using the speaker as a boom box (We really don’t want to hear your iTunes through a 1 inch, distorted speaker).
• If people are staring at you while you are on your phone, it’s probably because they want to kill you. Shut up.
• Be aware that you are not the only person on this planet!
• Oh God! If you do nothing else, please put your loud, annoying, horrible ringtone on vibrate.  If you have to keep it on, don’t let it ring for 45 seconds.

If you really can’t adhere to any of these suggestions, please get rid of your cell phone because I hate you.

Dear Kyle,

I’m sorry to hear about losing your stuff. I know things will be rough on you without your 360 and that guitar you never played. I regret to inform you, however, that I’ll have to decline your request for retribution. Besides, casting these individuals in the fires of hell is not quite “eye for an eye”. Perhaps I’ll consider striking them down with some kind of affliction.

In that vein, do you think you might want to consider taking up new hobbies? I gave this world alcohol for celebration and praise, but certainly not for swimming in. I admire your tolerance, but perhaps a bottle a night is a bit much. I think you also might want to reconsider this new “gun-toting” thing. I’m just saying…that’s all. You’ve stopped the different variations of smoke inhalation; so I guess that something. Oh, by the way, ABSOLUTELY NOT! You know what I am talking about. I will personally turn you in to a street sign if you proceed any further.

How did you like that earthquake the other day? I get bored sometimes, and I just have to shake things up (and Yes, pun intended). You should probably get earthquake insurance because I’ve got a few special ones lined up…oh wait, you have nothing to insure (sorry). Anyhow, keep your chin up and all that stuff. At least you’ve got a job….for now.

Palabra,
G to the O-D