Kyrandallo

All people have an egocentric trait within their character makeup.  It is simply impossible to be completely selfless.  Unfortunately, some of these individuals are incapable of regulating their self-centered side.  This post could go on forever about the various instances of egocentrism (airport Darwinism, salad bar space cadets, etc.), but that’s not my intention.  Why are some people such freaking idiots about certain types of cell phone etiquette?

Because I currently live in San Francisco, I often find myself on BART, MUNI, or some other form of public transportation.  I have already come to terms with the fact that sharing public transportation will never be pleasant.  I just don’t get the people who get on a bus, plane, or train and determine that we need to hear what they have to say.  And not only do we need to hear it, but we need it to be loud and clear. 

On a daily basis, I can pretty much rely on that guy who is shattering the acceptable decibel level to report how shit-canned he got the night before.  I also can rest assured that little miss “I can’t believe she said that he said that I said what we all thought we should have said” will honor my fellow passengers with a string of high-pitched cacophony.  I truly believe that many of these people are unaware of how annoying they really are.  My dad has been a loud person in general for as long as I can remember (which is probably why I am so sensitive to it).  I’d be willing to bet that he has no clue.  I just think people need to have some personal rules when using their phone in public.  Here are a few suggestions:

• Don’t use your phone on any form of public transportation unless it is necessary.
• If you must use your phone among your fellow passengers, don’t try to project the conversation through a brick wall.  Volume!!
• That above-mentioned rule also applies in public places where it’s relatively quiet (i.e. movie, store).
• For the love of baby Jesus, don’t use the speaker phone!! That also goes for using the speaker as a boom box (We really don’t want to hear your iTunes through a 1 inch, distorted speaker).
• If people are staring at you while you are on your phone, it’s probably because they want to kill you. Shut up.
• Be aware that you are not the only person on this planet!
• Oh God! If you do nothing else, please put your loud, annoying, horrible ringtone on vibrate.  If you have to keep it on, don’t let it ring for 45 seconds.

If you really can’t adhere to any of these suggestions, please get rid of your cell phone because I hate you.

Three guys walk into a bar on a Saturday night. They’ve exhausted the local scene, so they catch a cab to North Beach in an effort to try something new. The driver slowly rolls through north San Francisco until a particular Hawaiian bar catches their eyes. They enter the relatively empty, creepy bar at around 8 PM. Beers are ordered, the balls are racked, and a slutty patron/employee (who knows?) becomes the 4th member of a 2 vs. 2 game of 8-ball. Her breath resembles elephant dung and she has almost definitely not showered in 4 days. In any event, this drunk, pompous diva proceeds to horrify our heroes to the point of considering homosexuality as a better alternative to whatever she may have to offer. After a few insanely inappropriate jokes by the owner of the bar (and the arrival of a man who is almost definitely the leader of the SF Triad), their tab is immediately closed. Upon exiting the bar, this conclusion is reached:

“We must complete this night by going to the creepiest bars that San Francisco has to offer. We will have one beer at each bar. If any particular bar is too horrifying, we will take a shot and run”

With that, Creepycrawlsf has been born…